The 3 Dumbest Things I've Heard: Exec Edition
Advice is cheap. Some is downright dangerous. Listen up, executives!
Reading time: 5 minutes
The three dumbest pieces of advice I’ve heard from executives about being an executive:
“You’re not the author of your team members’ careers. They are.”
“Executive presence means people shouldn’t know what you think of them.”
“Now that you’re an executive, you need to be more accessible to everyone.”
We’re gonna break each of these down and I’m gonna recommend what to do instead. Buckle up!
Dumb Thing #1: You’re not accountable for their careers
Dumb advice: “You’re not the author of your team members’ careers. They are.”
Context: I first heard this several years ago, right before we conducted a 10% layoff.
The intention: Yes, your team members are responsible to craft their own career. But this advice was about absolution. In other words, “Oh you poor, dear People Manager: You’re the one laying off or firing or letting this person go, but you’re not ultimately accountable for their career choices. Staying detached is the only way to get through this.”
Why it’s dangerous: When you layoff or fire or let someone go, you are partially accountable for that moment of that person’s career! Pretending you’re not is dangerous because it dehumanizes the person on the receiving end.
What to do instead: You should feel bad or sad or mad about letting someone go. About an outcome that ends someone’s means of providing for themselves and their family. Put another way, you at times will “hold the pen” of someone else’s career; you are the co-author.
Take this seriously. And do everything you can to not let it get to that point.
Dumb Thing #2: Don’t let them know what you think of them
Dumb advice: “Executive presence means people shouldn’t know what you think of them.”
Context: I first saw this when it was making the rounds on LinkedIn. There’s a lot of “Executive Presence” content out there. Heck, I have my own.
The intention: I agree that being even-keeled, equanimous, and non-reactive toward people is one of the hallmarks of a good leader. But I think the intention behind this advice is also to be mysterious, detached, and ultimately maintain your power. In other words, “Don’t show your cards. Play it close to the vest.”
Why it’s dangerous: To me, this feels more like playing not to lose, rather than playing to win. It’s dangerous because when it comes to people, you shouldn’t be finding more ways to exert control and power. You should be finding ways to help everyone succeed. Even in minor interactions with you as an executive.
I remember many years ago, preparing to have a 1:1 with an executive, and everyone warned me, “She will just sit there and not say anything. You’ll be expected to carry the conversation.” And they were right. Her version of “executive presence” was to be very ambiguous with her verbal and body language-based feedback. It was so awkward. I had no idea what she thought of me or my ideas or really anything about anything.
What to do instead: Cultivate equanimity and be friendly and real with people. If you think they need to change something, tell them. If you think they’re doing great, compliment them. Give them your perspective and direct feedback. Help them learn and grow.
Don’t make people guess. That’s just a dumb waste of time.
** There is an exception here, which is when you need to grey rock someone toxic or abusive. What’s grey rocking? You know that person who is hellbent on drama at every turn? Be boring AF and they will leave you alone. You don’t owe these people the time of day, let alone feedback. (Mostly because they won’t hear it anyway! Don’t waste your breath.)
Dumb Thing #3: Be accessible to all
Dumb advice: “Now that you’re an executive, you need to be more accessible to everyone.”
Context: I received this as feedback in a executive quarterly performance review one time.
The intention: Yes, executives set the tone and culture of a company. So it’s important that they are seen as “accessible” or “relatable.” But it’s more important that they’re able to do their jobs effectively and spend their limited time on the things that matter most.
Why it’s dangerous: While well-intentioned, I think this advice is dangerous because it puts your executives in a double-bind. They have to choose between being overly accessible, which can drain their time and energy, or risk appearing aloof and detached by setting necessary boundaries. This creates a no-win situation where either choice can lead to negative perceptions or inefficiency.
What to do instead: We live in a Slack-ierarchy, meaning anyone can contact anyone at any time over a messaging platform, including contacting the CEO. But you, as a people leader or executive, need to build in appropriate hierarchical boundaries. Only allow specific people to see all your event details on your calendar (e.g., the executive team, your leaders, and the recruiting team for scheduling interviews).
For meetings, here’s an example:
First Team (your executive peers): Make time weekly and drop everything when there’s a call to rally or help each other.
Your team (your leaders): Meet weekly in 1:1s; ensure regular check-ins throughout the week. Stay close, stay open and available.
Your team’s team: Skip-levels monthly or quarterly with the whole team if there are more than 4-5 people or individually if <5 people.
Your stakeholders (non-peers): Meet biweekly or monthly or as needed
Everyone else: When you have time
Rarely same-day or same-week scheduling available.
And consider when you need to introduce a gatekeeper (e.g., a dedicated or shared Admin Assistant).
There’s so much executive-level advice out there. Whether you are currently an executive reporting to the CEO or you’re an aspiring one, don’t listen to dumb advice like the three examples above.
Instead, consider the alternative advice:
You are a co-author of your team members’ careers.
Do everything you can to preempt someone losing their livelihood.
When it gets to that point, feel appropriately bad / sad / mad about it.
Executive presence means you should cultivate non-reactivity toward people.
It doesn’t mean no one knows how you feel about them.
Pay it forward and help people learn. Share your perspective through compliments and constructive feedback.
Exception: When grey rocking is required.
Set hierarchical boundaries on your level of accessibility.
You don’t have to have your calendar open to the world.
You don’t have to make time for every single person in the company who wants it. Especially not with immediacy.
Found this helpful? Subscribe below!